The Helpless Song Cycle – I. Body

(Completed October, 2014. Premiered December, 2014. Orchestrated January, 2017. Premiered February 15th, 2017)

(OG. sop. and pno. ORCH. fl., ob.+cor. ang, cl.+bass, bsn., hrn. vln. I, vln. II., vla., vc., cb. + solo sop.)

This is the first song of the cycle and was the beginning of me understanding the role my perspective plays in the world.
I found my relationship with food through sympathy with those who suffer from eating disorders. Because of this song, I realized how different, and almost opposite, my view is on it. As a result, I found common ground through different pains life can bring. I also found out how it relates to the perspective of these eating disorders.

Listen to the next song, “Mind”

Read more about The Helpless Song Cycle.

Text

I want to call it dinner
An act of communion
A chance to fill that
nagging urge within

I just see
A deathly toxin
A potent poison perch
to poach my stomach from within

Every bite I take
Sinks further into my stomach
Chewing and chewing
and I just want it out.

The burn starts deeps
Like a festering pest
Deep within my bowels
Deep within my stomach

Chewing and chewing
Burning my insides
Eating away my humanity.

When I see your food
I see my mother’s eyes
Piercing through my fat and my soul
Wishing to burn it away

When I see your food
I see my ugly self
Confirming in the mirror
Why all my inhibitions have failed me

When I see your food
I see the fuel for my failure
The poison for my death
The fire for my cremation

The Pain

The pain
Hurts deep
The pain
Hurts my soul
And the only way to ease the pain
Is to just let it out.